|
www.planetnotion.com |
| Teeth (Cert. 18) |
 |
| 23/06/2008 |
|
 They’re sharp. They bite. And they’re not in her mouth...Woo yeah! At last, that classic tale of the small town girl who grows a set of angry choppers comes to the big screen. How can we have wasted all this time making RomComs and things about unscrupulous police detectives when the perfect storyline has been sitting under our noses all along? I say “noses”..
Jess Weixler is the superprim Dawn, the darling of her local church and spokesperson for True Love Waits. Both serenely beautiful and the paradigm of chaste purity (much like myself), she refuses to countenance having any form of sex. Her nether regions are strictly ‘out of bounds’. Somewhere that, despite seeming exciting, you should never go in – not even to look around for a bit - a bit like the Teacher’s Common Room at my Primary School.
Unfortunately there’s a hidden terror lurking deep down in Dawn’s dangerous dark dungeon and it’s getting peckish! In retaliation, presumably, for 50,000 years of leaving the toilet seat up, Dawn and her carnivorous twat embark on retribution. The reckoning is coming fellas. And it’s going to be pret-tee painful.
This tongue-in-cheek (ahem!) horror-comedy is really funny. Joss Weixler satirises the bible-belt anti-evolution America, whilst admirably retaining her dignity – not easy when you’re being upstaged by your own vagina.
This can be painful viewing – people do get their penises bitten off. If you’re a guy who ever feels even the mildest performance anxiety, you might want to steer clear. If you’re a rampant feminist who hates cocks, you’ll love it. Words: Matt Harvey |